TITLE: Ideas of a Drunken Mind AUTHOR: Glover RATING: NC-17 CATEGORY: established MSR SPOILERS: None that I know of. DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine, never have been, never will be. I just brought them out to play at my Momic's birthday party. SUMMARY: Just a little clowning around... SPECIAL THANKS: Thanks to Aud for the beta. You rock, MamaAud. Also to Ash for a few ideas, keeping me on track, and helping with my "blocks". DEDICATION: This goes out to Momic and Belle for their berfdaes. Hope you all likey *g* ARCHIVE: I'm going to attempt Gossamer and Ephemeral myself... Anywhere else, I'd be honored, but please let me know so I can visit and give thanks. ****** "I can't believe we're going undercover again -- and at a carnival of all places!" Scully says as she pours my next shot. We're not drinkers-ever. We've just had a rough week. Well, who am I kidding? We always have rough weeks. This time we're just going to wind down from it a bit. Whoo-boy. You can tell we're not drinkers. We're both on our fourth shot. I'm feeling very warm and she's just this side of being three sheets to the wind. When we started, she was fairly pissed off about this assignment...now she's laughing about it. "Well, since we have to do it, we might as well make the best of it." I reply to her with a shrug, a little delayed due to concentrating on not spilling the rum. "You know what we should do? You know, just to make it fun." She looks at me and grins as I tilt my head back and pour liquid fire down my throat. "What's that?" I ask with a cough after I swallow -- that one didn't go down as smoothly. "We should pick each other's outfits, decide what the other one is going to be." She's still grinning. Oh, my God! She's serious. Oh, Scully. You have no idea the depth of the hole you just dug for yourself. I chuckle and kiss her smiling lips with my own. ***** I wake up and Mulder is gone. I get up and make my way to the coffeepot, flip the switch for it to brew and then venture to the bathroom to find some aspirin -- this day is not going to be pretty if I don't take some soon. I down three with a full glass of water and make my way back to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee, grabbing my cell phone from the counter while I'm there. I hit Mulder's number on my speed dial and hear a faint ringing coming from the hallway outside my door. I press the end button on my phone just before I hear a key click in the door. "Good morning, sunshine!" he chirps with a grin as he comes in the door. I groan. He's very chipper considering how much we drank last night. Apparently he remembered to drink some water before he went to sleep. "Why so glum, Scully? Today is a good day!" I respond by raising an eyebrow and nodding at the bag he's carrying. "Oh, this? Well, since we decided last night that we were going to pick each other's assignment for this case, I thought I'd get a jump start and pick up outfit this morning." My eyes immediately shoot up to his, and he snorts as my face falls. Now I remember why I don't drink rum. Rum is bad. Rum is not my friend. I get really stupid ideas when I drink rum -- and this one may top the list. "I have decided that you, my love, are going to be...a magician's assistant!" he says as he pulls my "costume" out of the bag he's carrying. My outfit, which consists of a little red sequined mini-skirt and a matching shirt, which is not much more than a bra, glitters in the sunlight that's streaming through the windows as I stare at him in shock. "Are you kidding me?" I gape at him. "Nope. Think about it, Scully. If this guy is targeting kids, what better place to be than on a magician's stage?" He says it more like a statement, rather than a question. He's clearly proud of himself. "With this outfit, you'll fit right in." "Mulder, I understand the importance of this assignment, but I refuse to wear that." Ha. That's that. I turn and walk back into the kitchen to make myself another cup of coffee. Little do I know, he follows me. He comes up behind me and places his hands on my waist and leans down to whisper in my ear. "You'll wear it, and you'll like it." He says before licking my earlobe. "Betcha I will too..." His voice trails off as he nudges a particularly hard part of his anatomy against my ass. Maybe I will. ***** I walk past the stage for the third time, and Scully still hasn't come out yet. There's been no action as far as our perp is concerned, and I'm itching to see her in this outfit. She wouldn't put it on at the apartment for me. Maybe I'm just itching in my own outfit. Leave it to Scully to get the perfect revenge. I, Fox Mulder, am stuck running around this carnival in a clown suit. I'll never forget the look on her face when she shoved this thing in my face and repeated my own words back to me. "Think about it, Mulder. If this guy is targeting kids, what better place to be than in a clown's suit?" So here I am, big red nose and all, standing and listening to the crowd 'ooh' and 'ahh' at this magician who is famous for his fire tricks. Wait...listening to the crowd 'ooh' and 'ahh'? I stop daydreaming and realize that the show has begun. Scully's standing out on the stage, she's doing what's being asked of her, and she looks amazing while she's doing it. I'm pretty sure the crowd is oohing and ahhing at the magician, but Mr. Johnson downstairs is doing some oohing and ahhing himself, which means I have to get out of this crowd. I take notice that Molotov the Magnificent is about to do Scully's vanishing trick. At which point, I get a brilliant idea. I make my way through the crowd, and slip in the back door of the secret room that Scully is about to enter. Soon, she slips quickly down through the floor of the stage. "You're so beautiful." I whisper to her, so she'll know that I'm there and not be startled. She spins around with her hand to her chest. She was still startled, but at least she didn't kick the shit out of me. I lock the door behind me and push her up against the wall. I put a hand on either side of her head and nip at her bottom lip. "You're so fucking gorgeous." I growl just before I slide my tongue between her lips. She laughs in the kiss, and I pull back. "What's wrong?" I look at her questioningly as she snickers again. "I'm sorry. It's just funny to me. I'm making out with a clown..." She snorts again, and I drop to my knees on the floor in front of her. I lean forward to kiss her stomach, but am quickly stopped by my big, red schnozz. I yank it off impatiently and return to my oh-so yummy task. I lift up her little skirt and place an open-mouthed kiss on the front of her panties. "Mulder, no. We don't have time for that!" She argues with me as I try to wrestle her panties down her legs. She's squeezing her thighs together so that I can't get them down. "C'mon, Scully. I promise to make you come fast..." I give her my best convincing look and my most charming smile. "No, Mulder! I have to be back out there in ten minutes!" She gasps as I continue tugging at the scrap of silk, running my tongue over her exposed mons. Luckily, I know exactly how to get her to weaken up enough so that I can get her underwear off. I sit up a bit and jab my tongue in her belly button. I get the exact response I always get. She laughs, then gasps, then her legs go slack. I take that opportunity to yank her panties down her legs, and bury my face in her crotch. She moans loudly as I brace her up against the wall with my hand on her stomach. Shit! I forgot about my makeup! I pull back a bit and separate her folds with my thumbs. I lick up one side of her sweet pussy, then up the other side, cleaning her of her juices. She whimpers and looks at her watch, and I remember that I'm on a time limit. I flatten my tongue, run it up her very center, and begin to lick her rapidly. I stab at her pretty little clit and she jerks away from me, and I chase after her. We play this time every time I go down on her. It's fun. It makes me smile. I close my mouth over her clit and give it a good, hard suck. Fire boy chooses that moment to start playing music, and loudly, I might add - and it's a damned good thing he does. Scully throws her head back and lets out a wail that could wake the dead. I ride it out with my little screamer, then quickly replace her clothing as someone starts to pull on the door, trying to get in. I place a quick kiss on her lips, then hide in the corner as Scully opens the door to exit. I hear somebody yell something along the lines of "This is your cue!" as she closes the door. I find a box of tissues and wipe off my ruined make up, then slip out the door as quietly as I slipped in. I adjust my suit and grin to myself. This didn't turn out bad at all. I need to give Scully rum more often.