Magic Shell #11 - Oral Hygiene AUTHOR: RAVENWALD DISCLAIMER: They belong to Chris Carter, okay, I know they're not mine, but, damn it, he never lets them have *any* fun! CLASSIFICATIONS: Smut RATING: NC-17 KEYWORDS: MSR, Mulder/Scully, gratuitous sex, humor (hopefully) SPOILERS: SUMMARY: Smut, luridfic, whatever you want to call it. AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was written and placed on Ephemeral but I thought I'd re-write it for the Sisters because I've got an idea for a sequel. When my little brother sent me the email in the story, the whole story just sort of popped into my head... FBI Building, Washington, DC, 6:50 am. Fox Mulder sat tipped back on his chair as he clicked on Frohike's e-mail address. With a final chuckle, he sent off the latest forward he had received from a source. Not a regular source, mind you, just one that sent jokes... and only jokes. No UFO sightings, no conspiracies, just jokes. When he had first started receiving them he had wondered about it, but over the course of the last several years he had come to accept them for what they were: a bit of humor and light in the otherwise dark and nasty world that he and Scully inhabited. So now, he would send them on to whoever he thought would enjoy them. This latest one could have had been written by Frohike himself, but just in case he had not, Mulder forwarded it on. So now, he would lean back in his chair and wait until he got a response. The first inkling he had that something had gone wrong was when the phone rang ten minutes later. "Agent Mulder, AD Skinner would like to see you in his office." "Scully isn't...." "Not Agent Scully, just you. Now." Kim's voice was cold and controlled. Wondering what he had done this time, he shoved his chair back and went upstairs. Twenty minutes later, after being thoroughly reamed out for using his Government e-mail for the distribution of salacious material, Mulder left Skinner's office. He stopped on the way out at Kim's desk. "I'm sorry, it was only meant to go to a friend." Kim just stared through him then turned back to what she had been doing. Sighing, Mulder left the office and headed for the elevator. The phone on Kim's desk rang; it was Skinner. "Well, did he apologize?" Kim started to chuckle. "Yeah, but I would love to be a little bird down there when Agent Scully opens her email this morning." Skinner laughed at that and commented: "Well, maybe this will teach him to make sure his cc: field is clear before he sends any more off." "I wouldn't bet on it, though I wonder who has today in the pool?" Kim retorted and hung up, settling down to work, with a smile on her face. Basement office, 7:05 am Mulder had just left the office when Scully came in for the day. Putting down her briefcase, she slid her laptop onto the table that passed for a desk and connected it to the FBI Intranet. She went and got her cup of coffee while the machine booted up and opened to her email file. The first thing that caught her eye was an email from her partner. (*If he's ditched me, I'll kill him!*) she thought as she opened it up. TO: fro@lonegunman.com FROM: fwmulder@fbi.gov SUBJECT: Joke of the Day cc: kmpoor, wsskinner, dkscully Hey, Frohike... I thought you'd enjoy this! (*Well, at least it isn't a ditch,*) she thought wryly. (*He forgot to clear out the CC: field again.*) She started to feel decidedly warm as she read down the email. >>> >THIS USEFUL TOOL, COMMONLY >> >>> >FOUND IN THE RANGE OF 8 > >> >>> >INCHES LONG. THE FUNCTIONING >>>>OF WHICH IS BY MEMBERS OF BOTH >>> >SEXES. IS USUALLY FOUND >>> >HUNG, DANGLING LOOSELY, READY >>>>FOR INSTANT ACTIONS. IT BOASTS >>> >OF A CLUMP OF LITTLE HAIRY THINGS >>> >AT ONE END AND SMALL HOLE AT >>> >THE OTHER. IT IS INSERTED, ALMOST > >> ALWAYS WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES > >> >>> >SLOWLY, SOMETIMES QUICKLY, > >> >>> >INTO A WARM, FLESHY, >>> >MOIST OPENING WHERE IT IS THRUST >> >>> >IN AND DRAWN OUT AGAIN AND >>>>AGAIN MANY TIMES IN SUCCESSION, >>> >OFTEN QUICKLY AND ACCOMPANIED BY >>> > SQUIRMING BODILY MOVEMENTS. >> >ANYONE FOUND LISTENING IN WILL >>> >MOST SURELY RECOGNIZE THE >>>>RHYTHMIC PULSING SOUND, RESULTING >>> >FROM THE WELL LUBRICATED >>>MOVEMENTS. >> >WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, IT LEAVES >>>>BEHIND A JUICY FROTHY, STICKY WHITE >>> >SUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILL >>> >NEED CLEANING FROM THE OUTER >>> >SURFACES OF THE OPENING AND >>> >SOME FROM ITS LONG GLISTENING >>>>SHAFT. AFTER EVERYTHING IS DONE >>> >AND THE FLOWING AND CLEANSING >> >>LIQUIDS HAVE CEASED EMANATING, >>> >IT IS RETURNED TO ITS FREELY >>> >HANGING STATE OF REST, READY >>> >FOR YET ANOTHER BIT OF ACTION, >>>>HOPEFULLY REACHING ITS >>>>BRISTLING CLIMAX TWICE OR >>> >THREE TIMES A DAY, BUT OFTEN MUCH > >>LESS. >> >WHAT AM I?????? >>> >AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED, >>> >THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE >>> >IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR >> >VERY OWN... >> > >> > >> > >> > >>> >TOOTHBRUSH... >>> >What were you thinking? >> >> >> >>> >You PERVERT!!! The door opened just as Scully finally got her laughter under control. She waited until her partner was in the office before she got up, a dangerous glint in her eye. He saw the e-mail on her screen and winced. "I can explain, Scully, really I can." She paid no attention to his protestations as she advanced on him. "Scully wait, please, don't leave! I'm sorry!" His face held a look of despair as she walked past him. (*Shit! I pushed her too far this time!*) It changed to one of panic as he heard the lock click. He then watched, mesmerized, as Scully advanced on him, her hands going to his tie. She pulled him down to her level, a grin of pure evil spreading across her face. "You have just about used up every bit of slack you ever had with me, Mister. I think it's time to teach you a lesson." As she spoke, she undid the knot of his tie and slid it slowly from beneath his collar. Mulder swallowed. "Scully?" he squeaked. She allowed him to straighten up, but then walked closer, the tie sliding through her fingers as she played with it. His eyes did not leave her as she dropped the tie on the floor. Not knowing what to expect, he backed away, playing into Scully's hands. His first clue that the situation had gotten completely out of his control was when he heard the click of handcuffs and looked down to see Scully's cuffs encircling one wrist. "Scully!" Using his shock, she closed in on him and clipped the other side of the cuffs on the filing cabinet before he could move. As her hand came out from behind his back, she dangled his own cuffs in front of him. He tried to pull away as she aimed the cuff for his free wrist, but the weight of the four-drawer cabinet defeated him and he ended up with both arms behind his back, anchored to the second drawer pull. "Mulder, have I ever told you just how much your sexual innuendoes annoy me? Have you ever wondered why I ignored them?" "I..." "I've ignored them because I hoped that you'd grow out of them and show me how you really felt instead of playing these childish games. Well, I'm tired of waiting for you to be an adult... I think I'll just join in your childish games." He looked down at her wanting to say something, anything that would tell her he was truly sorry, when he felt her small fingers at his belt buckle. Speechless, he stared as she popped the button and slid the zipper down in one smooth motion. "What are you doing?" he whispered. "If you have to ask, Mulder, it's been way too long for you," she told him, the evil grin returning to her face. "Why Agent Mulder..." she started to comment, when she discovered he had no underwear on. He mumbled something under his breath. "What was that? I didn't hear your answer," she said as her fingers insinuated themselves around his half erect cock and squeezed gently and then a bit harder when he did not answer her question. "I didn't do the god-damned laundry, okay!" "Naughty, naughty, agent man," she murmured as she caressed his length, smiling as it hardened. "What am I going to do with you?" "Sculleeee!" He squirmed as she drew her nail along the underside of his cock. "Mmmmm... is this *all* for me?" she breathed as she knelt down in front of him to get a closer look. "I think you've been hiding things from me, Agent Mulder!" "Come on, Scully, you can't want to do it this way... I mean, it isn't fair to you. I'll come and you won't." She looked up into his darkening eyes and smiled. "That would bother you, wouldn't it." "Well, yeah...!" "Well, what makes you think I need you?" she spat. "Six years of innuendo and teasing touches, and suddenly you think I need your hands to get myself off? You're delusional, Mulder. I've been using you to get off for years. The difference is, that this time I'm going to make you watch. I'm going to make sure you know exactly what you've been putting me through for the last six years! Exactly what you've been missing!" He inhaled sharply when he realized that she was carefully pulling his pants down to his ankles. "Come on, lift your feet. I don't want your pants to get stained... it might cause talk." Wordlessly, he obeyed and lifted each foot as indicated and then stared as she unzipped her skirt and allowed it to fall to the floor. She stood there in her black frocked coat, white blouse and thigh-high white lace stockings, all the while raking his exposed body with an appraising stare. "Scully, you're not wearing any underwear, either!" "I usually don't when it's hot out!" "It's the middle of March!" "So... it's been way too warm in the office lately..." she told him as she removed her coat and shell, leaving her in stockings and the matching white lace bra. She folded their clothing carefully, giving Mulder a fine view of her ass and tattoo as she bent over to pick up her skirt. "Scully, you're killing me here," he moaned. "Mulder, I haven't even begun!" 8:25 am. "Scully! The phone is ringing," he told her, stating the obvious. She put up a finger in warning then continued her ministrations to herself. The other hand reached out to grab the phone. "X-Files." She listened for a moment. "I'm sorry, sir, Mulder is unavailable at the moment. May I take a message?" "No I don't know exactly when he's due to come... back, but he did say before lunch. Yes, sir. One o'clock, your office. I'll tell him." Scully had not stopped touching herself while she had been talking on the phone with Skinner, although she had, perforce, had to stop her attentions to Mulder. She hung up and grinned up at him. "Skinner wants us in his office at one... he's got a case for us." "Scully, please, let me go... I have to... I want..." "You don't have to do anything except stand there until I've finished with you." (*Now, who shall I get off first?*) She took him back in her mouth and brought him back to edge of orgasm he had been hovering on before the phone call. She felt his balls tightening and stopped licking his cock and pressed hard at the base, stopping his impending orgasm. "What did you just do?" he whimpered. "A secret doctor thing, Mulder. You'd be amazed what we learned in Med School." "That's not nice, Scully. I never took you to be a tease!" "Well, now you know!" she told him. His breathing quickened as he watched her plunge three fingers deeply into herself. "Mulder, I'm not going to let you come, you know," she told him as she worked her fingers in and out. "At least not yet." "Scully, just watching you will make me come!" he told her, voice deep with arousal, his eyes never leaving her hand. "Not yet, it won't!" and she reached out again and grasped him firmly around the base of his cock and squeezed again... this time harder than before. "I can keep you on the edge for hours." "No, eventually you won't react in time." "Hmmm, that's true." She sat back on her heels and thought for a moment and then got to her feet. "However...." She went over to his desk and searched his drawers until she found what she was looking for. She picked up his tie from where she had dropped it and wrapped it carefully and tightly around the base of his cock. Then, she secured it with the rubber bands that she had taken out of the drawer. "Shit! That hurts." "It won't for long." "Scully, it'll just gets worse... take my word for it. And I won't even ask when you experimented with cock rings." She just grinned up at him and settled back down to business, her fingers building her excitement back to the point where she could not hold it off any longer and she quaked as her body convulsed around her fingers, the star-burst of pleasure running from her cunt to her fingertips and back again. Quieting, she took her fingers from her still quivering body. Sitting back on her heels she carefully started licking the moisture from her hand. "The only thing that would be better than this, is if I had some Magic Shell to go along with it!" she murmured as she finished with her index finger. "The least you could do is share," he told her petulantly. She looked into his face and saw the pain etched there along with the arousal. Relenting, she carefully removed the rubber bands and the tie and then brought her fingers up to his mouth as she brought her mouth down to his cock. She shuddered as his mouth came around her fingers and his tongue played along their length. "Scully, this could be so much more interesting if I was able to reciprocate," he murmured around her fingers. She smiled up at him. "I think it's pretty interesting just the way we're doing it," and then dipped her head and took him back in her mouth, swallowing his length. He produced a strangled sound from deep in his chest, came hard, feeling as if he was being turned inside out with the strength of it and fainted, falling to his knees. Scully, immediately concerned, released him from the cuffs and cradled his body in her lap, a bemused smile on her face. She did not even feel the cold linoleum under her ass. (*I didn't know men could suffer 'le petit morte'*) she mused while she waited for him to regain consciousness. A couple of minutes later he groaned and blinked up at her. "I told you it would be interesting, Mulder. Mulder, are you all right??" she asked when he just moaned. He sighed and sagged against her. "I thought I died and went to heaven," he told her through clenched teeth. "And I think I broke my right wrist when I fainted." Blanching, Scully carefully undid the cuff of his shirt and found the wrist in question already discoloring. "Shit!" "Hey," he kissed her stomach, the only part of her body he could reach without pain. "It's okay. It was worth it!" "It can't have been." He gingerly reached up behind her neck with his good hand and pulled her head down to his. "Yes, it was! I've never come so hard in my life! You are very talented, Agent Scully. Very talented, indeed," and kissed her. Her lips parted and she sucked in his lower lip... something she had wanted to do from the first moment she had walked into their grotty little office. Mulder moaned and Scully released him. "Come on, we have to get you to the emergency room. If that wrist is broken, it's going to have to be set." She propped him up against the file cabinet and stood up. Reaching down, she slipped her hands under his arms and helped him stand. "I think I wrenched my other shoulder, too," he grimaced as she got him to his feet. Looking even guiltier, Scully went over and slipped into her skirt and blouse quickly and then brought his clothes over to him. "Come on, I'll help you get dressed." He grinned down at her through his pain. "I liked it better when you undressed me." "Well, chances are I'll have to do it again tonight if your luck runs like it usually does." "You mean like it doesn't run, don't you?" She sighed. "Yeah, I do. Come on." She picked up his pants and carefully guided each foot in before pulling them up. Then she refastened them and buttoned his shirt. "Where's your jacket?" "Behind the door." Scully went over and picked it off the coat rack and brought it over to him. "Here you go," and slipped the jacket over his broken wrist, leaving the wrenched side out of its sleeve. Then she placed the bad arm across his waist and button up his jacket, using the jacket to immobilize the damaged arm. "How are we going to explain this... no Beast Women to blame." "I feel like a Beast Woman, Mulder... I *hurt* you!" "You made me feel like I haven't ever felt before! Don't feel guilty because you were so good at it! But we still need an excuse for Skinner." She grinned at him, took off her shoe, and slammed it into the floor, breaking off the heel. "My shoe broke on the stairs, I started to fall, you tried to catch me, but you were off-balance and unsuspecting... we fell down the stairs. I landed on you, and that's probably when the wrist got broken. He'll buy that." "I always knew you could think on your feet. I'll pay to have the shoe fixed." "Mulder, I did this to you!" "And getting the shoe fixed is the LEAST I owe you for that! (big grin) You also owe me a chance to reciprocate." She sighed. "'S all right, Scully," he smiled at her, and she hesitantly smiled back, even though she could see the pain in his eyes. "I'm not sorry. It was worth it! Just tell me I don't have to harass you for six more years before we come in one another's presence again! I like foreplay as much as the next person, but, you've got to admit, six years is a bit ridiculous!" She straightened, planted her fists on her hips. "Well, what the hell were you waiting for?" she demanded. "Males are supposed to be the aggressors in this barnyard dance! It's your job to make a pass and risk getting slapped!" He swallowed, and opened his mouth to pant lightly; the pain in his shoulder and wrist beginning to make his head swim. "C'mon, Scully, you know better than that!" he growled. "I'm the section head. You're the junior agent. I write your performance reviews, dammit! I couldn't start anything...if you just rejected me, I suppose I could've survived it, but I just couldn't make myself that vulnerable, Scully. I was too scared. Even if you didn't press charges, OPR could do it for you, or transfer you away so you wouldn't feel pressure from me to refrain from pressing charges." His voice dropped to a whisper. "And I couldn't survive losing you altogether." She came to stand close beside him, looked him squarely in the eyes. "I wouldn't've rejected you." "But I didn't know that...I had hope, I had dreams... but I have a really lousy track record regarding hopes and dreams coming true." He shrugged. "So I waited." Scully sighed and slipped her arm around his waist. "Come on, partner, let's get you fixed up. And then you can show me if eating all those sun flower seeds have done any good!" Laughing, they left the office with Mulder silently vowing to pick up a bottle of Magic Shell for future use.